A startling exposé of domestic violence against well-educated, well-to-do women, and a powerful indictment of the social-service system that fails to protect them. How is it possible for a highly educated woman with a career and resources of her own to stay in a marriage with an abusive husband? How can a man be considered a pillar of his community, run a successful business, yet regularly give his wife a black eye? The very nature of these questions proves … More >>
Not to People Like Us : Hidden Abuse in Upscale Marriages
Although the author attempts to dispel myths about the plight of battered women, in some ways, she herself buys into myths. For example, when she advises women to form a plan to leave their husband she tells them to bring vital articles like HIS social security number, but fails to remind them to bring an updated resume and sensible shoes to pound the pavement because SHE will have to find a job. The writer also describes these women in a sterotype that is unrealistic, “well dressed, wearing diamonds,” etc. Sociologists note an inverse relationship, the less money someone has the more they spend on clothes. Much of the verbatim dialogue she relates reads like fiction leading one to believe this is how the author imagines upper class women would speak. Much of the book is recovering old research. Any new insight the author offers could have been in a pamphlet. She also looks at their life after leaving the marriage with rose colored glasses. The fact is women just enter a new form of abuse: underpaid jobs, demeaning workplaces, terrifying custody battles and dating jerks who are just like their husband only poor.
Rating: 3 / 5
I recently read this book and was blowen away, Most women who are in this situation don’t even really realize they are in it. I interviewed the doctor on my Radio internet show on Eyada.com and this really open up a powerful discussion with all my listers even three professionals in this area called in and felt this is the: Most Powerful Book Ever Written On The Subject. Thank you so very much Dr. Weitzmann. Sincerely, Myreah Moore America’s Dating Coach and Author of “Date Like A Man:To Get the Man You Want”
Rating: 4 / 5
I have volunteered at a battered woman’s shelter and was quite amazed to learn that this horrendous crime has no socio-economics boundaries. I believe that this particular book should be required reading for everyone who is involved in Domestic Violence Prevention.
Rating: 5 / 5
I have just finished the book “Not to People Like Us”. What an amazing experience, for as I turned the pages it was as if Dr. Weitzman had written about my life! The description of my Symptoms, Traits and Coping Strategies as well as my Ex-Husband’s Psychological Profile, Interpersonal Characteristics and Traits put all my thoughts, feelings and experiences into words. Now I can understand why I made the choices and decisions I did before and during the marriage,and how I finally go out of an abusive relationship. I wish appendix D-Early Warning Signs would have been available to me 15 years ago, but thankfully women now have this resource to save them from years of suffering in silence.
Rating: 5 / 5
Unfortunately, I knew exactly who Dr.Weitzman was describing when she described the ‘upscale’ couple hiding a terrible secret.
This book is important to women who have escaped from an abusive relationship or are considering an escape. From practical advice to checklists of traits of an abusive man (denial in these situations is very, very strong – seeing the evidence before your eyes brings you closer to the truth), to the case histories, the book brings home the reality of an abusive relationship.
I want to make a copy of the ‘traits of an abuser’ and pass it out to my sisters, my cousins, my friends – and pray none of them recognize their mate.
Rating: 5 / 5